Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize