I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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