The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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