he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
