I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
