I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
