btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
