She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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