you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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