omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
