you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
