hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
