Im at strip club and am horny
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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