Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
