Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
