saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
