too bad you live with your parents still
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
