I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
