how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
