...so i touched it.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
