I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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