He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
