Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
COCAINE IS GR8
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
