Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
