Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
