I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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