I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
