i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
