I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
