By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You are the jesus of drinking
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
