she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize