She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize