After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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