just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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