Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize