My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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