she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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