yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
