I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
