They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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