It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
