i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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