Do vagina's smell?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
