I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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