he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She even gives head with a lisp.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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