I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
