Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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