he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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