Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
