What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Randomize
