My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You're a waste of cheezeits
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
