they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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