i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
