dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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