FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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