he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize