Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
