I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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