College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
