the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
