Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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