He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize